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'I saw one couple in counselling who embodied this problem.
He was in his mid-50s, very good looking, and in good shape. 'They'd been together for 20 years and he'd lost interest in having sex with her.
Many women don't realise that men's levels of desire are closely linked to other aspects of the relationship - just like theirs are. 'If he's angry or resentful about something - maybe you don't give him enough attention, or he thinks you nag him, or don't appreciate his work, or a hundred other reasons - his desire closes down, or he withholds sex as a way to express his anger.' And then it just snowballs.
The more he doesn't do it, the more he doesn't want to do it.
'They go home to their wives with stress hormones coursing through their bodies, and they just can't feel arousal under those circumstances.' This, in turn, can lead to another vicious cycle: performance anxiety.
'Between 20 and 30 per cent of men may experience problems with their ability to become aroused, or with climaxing too soon,' Hall adds.
But in most it's either a hidden resentment - for example, a man will feel that if his partner has gained weight it's because she can't be bothered to make an effort for him any more - or simply that he has stopped seeing her as a sexual being.' But according to Relate, the most common reason for low desire in men is 'relationship reasons'.More than a quarter of women over 35 surveyed said they 'never' have sex, while in Scotland that figure rose to 38 per cent. It has always been known that women's libido is a complex entity.Are stressful jobs and complicated lives sapping our desire to make love?But this book reveals that this couldn't be further from the truth.'As a society, we've perpetuated this myth about the ever-turned-on-male,' says Weiner Davis.
But there are lots of other more complicated reasons, too.' Bringing the subject into the open, she says, is the most important first step to fixing it.